I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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