Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
