the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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