I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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