They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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