i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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