The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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