I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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