I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i came on her dog
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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