Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
