I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
