are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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