I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think your dad took our porno
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
