I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
