I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
