i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
