I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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