I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
