And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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