woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
