I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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