At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
