sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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