How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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