I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
