We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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