i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
