I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Randomize
