so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
