I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
