Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
