I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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