This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
