i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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