Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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