I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
