you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
