How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
