New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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