I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you will always have a special place in my vag
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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