No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
