that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
