You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
