I hate your face
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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