When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
