is your mom at the bar?
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
