you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
