The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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