too bad you live with your parents still
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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