your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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