I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
