Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
